Cross promotion

April 1, 2010
My friend Brian is making some fine videos.  Enjoy Maganzo #1 and #2, new episode within a month.

 

Posted by bobkerolls. Posted In : videos 

 

Fezzik: The Adventure Begins

March 30, 2010
The Scene: The Princess Bride, right at the very end.  Wesley, Buttercup, and Inigo have just tied up Count Humperdink (SPOILER ALERT) and are now summoned to the window by the voice of Fezzik (Andre the Giant),

:Fezzik: Inigo! Inigo! Where are you? Oh, there you are.
            Inigo, I saw the prince's stable, and there they
            were, four white horses. And I thought, there are
            four of us, if we ever find the lady. Hello, lady!
            So I took them with me, in case ...
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Posted by bobkerolls. Posted In : rewritten movie dialogue 

 

Today Was a Mediocre Day

March 30, 2010
People often ask me "How was your day?", to which I reply "Shitty.", or "Mediocre.", or "Get to the point, you old fucker." (if it's my mom).

What I never do is tell them I had a good day.  That is because when I was a teenager, I thankfully had a good day defined for me by the poet O'Shea Jackson, better known by his nom de plume Ice Cube.

To make sure that I accurately describe my day in these instances, I keep a running diary, then fill out a homemade checklist in the evening.  Depending on ...
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Posted by bobkerolls.

 

Tales from seat 15A

March 12, 2010
So one of the in-flight magazines, I forget which one, had a regular feature called "Tales from seat x" (or some such shit), which would be a short story written by someone else each issue that would take place on a plane, and the entire plot would happen during the flight.  The only one I remember was about a guy who befriends a woman, she eventually makes a pass at him, and then he reveals that he is actually the brother of her fiancé and this was all a trick to test her faithfulness THE E...
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Posted by bobkerolls.

 

The time I did ALL the drugs

March 11, 2010
Between shifts of sending out free donkey posters to the lucky inhabitants of this planet, we here at FDP sub-headquarters (East Coast) occasionally take drugs.  It was during one of these monotonous drug-binges that we asked bobkerolls, our senior street correspondent, to provide a one or two sentence description of each drug he had consumed.  This is purely for recreational and educational purposes so that the children, convicted Mormons, and other non-drug users will understand the drug-us...
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Posted by bobkerolls.

 

Riding the mechanical bull at the liquor store

February 22, 2010
By 11 PM we had divested ourselves of the clucking nightmare that is thirty drunk Worcester girls.  Sent back to their party bus by impatient bouncers explaining that their drunk was too drunk, we could still hear their shrill, accented curses echoing off the walls of the Alley.

The brief but cold wait in line helped reset overclocked nerves, and I was soon ordering a Stella in the Liquor Store's airlock lobby, an artificial and necessary calm before the storm.  A Stella because the Liquor Sto...
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Posted by bobkerolls.

 

Valentine's Day Special

February 16, 2010
We here at FDP value your romance.  That is why we have waited until after the Day of Valentine's to produce our nearly yearly Pre-First Annual Valentine's Day Special (now with more bonus fruit).

Realizing, as we all did, the momentousness of the situation, the FDP writer's room was very quiet today, as all one of our writers thought extra fucking hard about how to express all the love that we feel for you cocksuckers.  And then it hit us like a ghost sliding through gauze - Clarence Carter!

T...
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Posted by bobkerolls.

 

Partners with Capt. Class Action Suit, possibly.

February 9, 2010
I received one of THOSE emails recently:

brohammer27

 



Best regards!
 
This mail may be a surprise to you because you did not give me the permission to do so and neither do you know me but before I tell you about myself I want you to please forgive me for sending this mail without your permission. I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the will of God for you to help me and my family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly. I nee...

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Posted by bobkerolls.

 

Noah Lived In Some Crazy Times

February 6, 2010


Often times when I go into public restrooms, I find that someone has left behind some Jesus-themed literature (this happens more often in the South than in the Northeast, AND THUS THE CIRCLE OF STEREOTYPES CONTINUES).  I usually flip through it to see if it's one I already have, and if it's not, I pocket it for later perusal.

So far, I have not given over my life to ALL POWERFUL JESUS, despite these pamphlet's various ways of enticing me into His Warm and Terrifying Embrace.   Some use badly d...


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Posted by bobkerolls.

 

How Google Voice is Trying to Communicate With Me

February 5, 2010
For those of you who need some explanation, Google Voice is a service (offered by Google...or did you know that already?) that will, among other things, transcribe your voicemail.  And not only is it free, but it doesn't work for shit! Actually, it is still in beta and available by invite only (I have a few, if anyone is interested), so to be fair, it is still being improved.  

Doubtlessly it will become as finely-tuned as all Google products, so I am not making fun of the concept, but rather ...
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Posted by bobkerolls.

 
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